Category Archives: Back to work

My feelings about leaving my son and going back to work.

It’s been a long week

This week has been tiring! Not just because I started teaching again. But it’s just felt like it’s gone on for years.

The little one still seems to be loving his childminder – in fact he seemed very put out on Tuesday and Friday when he was at home. I ended up having to take him out all afternoon on both days because he was getting very bored of just being with me. But oh well, I’m sure that will calm down a bit once he’s got his head around the home days and childminder days, let’s hope so anyway. He still gives me wonderful smiles, hugs and kisses when I pick him so I know he still loves me.

Teaching itself is actually a lot better than I thought it was going to be. I was nervous that the kids would play up, and that I wouldn’t know how to deal with the naughty ones anymore. But do you know what, I think I’m a better teacher at the moment. Not sure if it’s because I feel refreshed – and a lot happier – after having a good break from it, or whether I now have a lot more patience because of living with a small baby. But whatever it is the kids seem to like it, and the lessons seem to be a lot more enjoyable – for me and the students. Let’s hope it continues.

No, I think the reason I feel so shattered is because I’ve felt like I’ve been ‘on duty’ all day every day. My husband has been doing some late nights at work, and I’ve just not felt like I’ve had any time to myself on an evening. I don’t really blame him (I did, but I’ve got over that a bit now). I know he has to work, and I know that he works very hard, but so do I and I feel like I don’t get a break. By time I’ve got to work at 8.30 I’ve already done at least 2 hours work (getting the little one to his childminder on time is no easy job!). Then teach 5 lessons, a extra-curricular activity or meeting, a half an hour drive home to pick up the boy. Then I have 2 hours of feeding, playing, bathing and putting to bed. I’m not complaining – really I’m not. I knew what I was signing up for when having a baby, and the school work is fine. But at 7 PM I’d love to sit down, glass of wine in hand while the hubby (who should be home by now) makes tea and gives me a little break. But NO! Not this week. The little one goes to bed, then I start doing the dishes – from the dinner I made the night before, but was too tired to wash-up (and was hoping the cleaning fairy might do for me) – make dinner, hang out the washing that has been in the machine for at least a day (another job for that fairy), put another load in, eat dinner if I have time, iron clothes for tomorrow and have a quick bath. All while trying to plan my lessons for the next day. I crawl in bed just in time to hear the front door go, by husband come in, eat the dinner I’ve cooked for him and have a ‘well-deserved’ sit down in front of the telly.

OK, so he says that he hates working late. He feels horrid because he knows his putting everything on to me. But would it really hurt to do a little washing up when he came in? Or hang out some washing? Am I being unfair or selfish? Probably, but it’s the way I feel, sorry.

Anyway, sorry for the rant, but that is what has been going on in my head this week! We’ve had a good weekend though – more about that in the next few posts!

1 down lots and lots to go!

Today was my first teaching day at school. After the 2 training days yesterday I was very worried about actually teaching a lesson. I couldn’t really remember what I was supposed to be doing.

It went OK! Not too bad. In fact the kids were actually very well behaved, and they were ‘mostly’ a pleasure to teach.

Now I’m knackered! I have a glass of wine in my hand, but struggling to have the energy to drink it. I have a hot bath run, but can’t face walking the short distance to get in it. I just want to go to bed.

Well, day off tomorrow. Quick someone get me the calendar – how many days til half term?

Back to work

So, last Wednesday I went back to work. I was nervous, anxious but a little bit excited (but didn’t really want to admit that!) It all went fine! In fact, I actually enjoyed it, and so did the boy.

I asked my husband if he would go to work a little bit late so he could come to the childminders with me. Good job he did, he pretty much had to prise the little one out of my arms to hand him over to the childminder. I got back in the car and the tears started (I really hand to fight not to start crying in front of the boy). I had a good cry, wiped the mascara from under my eyes, and set off. By time I dropped mu hubby off at the train station it almost felt like it was all back to how it had been before the boy had arrived! Had I really had a baby, had I really been off work for over 9 months? I got to school, walked in to the staff room (which has changed massively, much to my disgust!) got a cup of tea, and I was completely ready to start the working day! Boo!

The only time I really struggled was when I sat down for my lunch. I started to panic. Had he had his nap OK, would he be eating his lunch I’d sent with him, was he missing me? A quick call to the childminder to find out the answers: Yes, yes and – unfortunately – no.

By time I got back from work I really had started to miss him very badly – the half an hour drive home seemed to go on forever. His reaction when he saw me was well worth the torture on the drive home. He gave me the biggest smile, and scrambled to give me a hug. He hadn’t cried all day “is he usually like that” asked the childminder. “YES” I replied with immense pride.

Although I was shattered by time we both got home I had the best few hours with him before putting him to bed. We played, sang, laughed, had a bath together. It was fab. I don’t think I’ve enjoyed myself with him that much for quite a while! Fantastic! He went to bed without any problems – I think he’d worn himself out playing all day – and slept all night. Wonderful.

Thursday was easier to drop him off – he seemed really excited as we walked to the front door, he obviously knew where he was going.

Unfortunately (thanks to the joy of training days) I’ve not actually taught a lesson yet since being back – I think I may have forgotten how! Will let you know how that goes! First one tomorrow!

I’m so glad I’ve decided to go back to work. I think it’s going to be great for both of us. The boy is going to gain so many social skills, he’s going to make friends and have loads of new experiences. And I get to be me again, not ‘just a mum’, even if it’s just for a few hours, 3 days a week. And if it means that me and the little one have that much fun when we are together, then even better!

It’s come around too quickly…

How did this happen? It’s snuck up on me and I’m not sure how I haven’t noticed. And I’m absolutely not ready for it! I’m back at work tomorrow! TOMORROW! I could have sworn that I had at least another month or so! I can’t believe it. Is it too late for me to change my mind, and stay at home with my little boy forever?!?!

Actually, maybe not! I don’t know if he could pick up on my feelings about tomorrow, or whether it was just a fluke, but the boy was a pain today! He wanted to play with every wire/glass/computer/hot drink he could find, he bit me on numerous occasions and he was a nightmare to go down for his naps and this evening. Maybe going back to work won’t be so bad after all. Let someone else deal with the moody baby, hopefully I’ll just some lovely smiles and big cuddles when I pick him up!

I know this is a bit random, and probably makes very little sense, but it’s what is going on in my head.

Wish me luck for tomorrow. May not have time to post anything tomorrow, but will try ASAP.

IN THE WORDS OF AEROSMITH…

For the last few weeks our son has been threatening to crawl. First of all he got up on his hands and knees – I phoned all my family to tell them “he’s nearly crawling”. There he stayed for a week or so. Then he started to rock on his hands and knees. Cue another round of phone calls “honestly, the next day or two!” Then he started to shuffle…BACKWARDS!

Last weekend I started to worry. I wasn’t worried about whether or not he would crawl, I knew he would, when he was good and ready. I was worried that I would miss it! I start back at work next week, and little one starts with the childminder. So after weeks of trying to crawl I started to panic that he would finally move when he was not with me! I then started to think about all the things I might miss. Crawling, walking, talking, using a potty etc etc etc.

Yesterday, however, my boy started to crawl. Right there, in front of me. When I say crawling it’s a bit more like commando crawling, but he is definitely moving – FORWARDS! Today he’s managed to get quicker. He can get from 1 side of a room to the other in a matter of minutes. He can pull the DVD player off the shelf – oopps, that’ll have to move – and can have the toys he wants without having to wait for me to move him there.

It’s made me realise, maybe I will miss some things, but not everything! Maybe I will miss the first step he takes, but if I do, I will still see the next ones. So OK maybe ‘I don’t want to miss a thing’, but it won’t be the end of the world if I do miss some things!

Are you a worrier?

I hate the thought of leaving my boy for 3 days a week. I hate the thought of someone giving him his lunch, or his bottle, or putting him down for his naps. I hate that someone else will cuddle him if he cries, or cheer him on when he does something exciting. I hate that someone else might see the first time he walks, or tries cheese on toast. I hate the thought of having to read his daily report to see what he’s done that day. Basically I hate the thought of going back to work. But I have to. Simple as that!

But it doesn’t stop me worrying about it. I worry about him making friends, getting on with the childminder, whether he likes the food she gives him, sleeping well for his naps and lots more. I know it’s silly. I’d worry about things if I didn’t go back to work. I’d worry we didn’t have the money to buy him things. I’d worry he wasn’t developing his social skills. I’d worry that he was getting sick of me.

These worries have filled my head during the past few weeks. Today, while looking through some blogs I came across a post by Insomniac Mummy about ‘worrying’. It made a lot of sense to me. It also made me realise that other people worry. It’s nothing to feel ashamed about. Yes I’ll worry about my boy while I go back to work, but hopefully these worries will subside, just in time for me to worry about something else.

Why, as mothers, do we feel the need to worry about everything? Will we always worry? Probably. Does that make me worry some more. Yes!

THE PARENTING ADVENTURES OF MRS C!

My mother-in-law told me that when she went back to work after having her son (my husband) she used to write him poetry. She used to tell him how much she loved him, how much she missed him, how she felt when she wasn’t there and how she felt when she came home. She wrote it all down so she could look back and remember it all and so he could look back and understand.

I go back to work next week after having my son 8 months ago, and I wanted to do something similar, something to help me when I’m no longer at home all the time with him. Unfortunately I can’t write poetry – if you could look at my old English books you’d understand. My husband has been suggesting for ages that I start a blog, and I’ve been putting it off as long as possible, but now I’ve realised that this is the perfect time. It gives me a place to write down all the things I’m going through, hear about how other people have dealt with these things and maybe use my experience (ha ha) as a parent to help/support/encourage other people.

So now you know why I’ve set this blog up I hope you enjoy reading about ‘the parenting adventures of Mrs C!’